She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
