if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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