mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
