I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize