but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
