I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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