Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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