I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She bit a glass in half.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
