My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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