I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
