You're my little dorito
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
