I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
