This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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