he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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