how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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