Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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