I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
