I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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