At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Actions speak louder than pants.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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