I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
