I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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