dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
