I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
