She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
