jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
