we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
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We should reintroduce naked Mondays
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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