i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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