Got a toothbrush?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize