He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
