just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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