Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
