did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We need to feng shui this bitch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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