Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Why does Corona taste like a burp?

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(518): View more from New York

for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can

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(905): View more from Ontario

No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf

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(858): View more from California

this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me

(619): View more from California

that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.

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(61): View more from Australia

Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.

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