i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
