So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
