I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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