My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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