Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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