I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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