Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
