I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
