omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
