Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
