i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
