I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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