I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
