You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
