he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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