dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
