on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY