Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
