the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
