My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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