I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
