I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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