This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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