I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
