Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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