Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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