I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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