This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
