If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
