drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
