Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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