ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
