there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
