ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
