maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
