Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
